Midlife Madness

Author: Wendy

  • Driving Lessons: 10 Thoughts About Teaching Twin Teens

    Driving Lessons: 10 Thoughts About Teaching Twin Teens

    My twins turned sixteen years old in October. Due to the shutdowns early in the pandemic, they were unable to take their written tests for their driving permits until midsummer, and their scheduled instructor-led lessons behind the wheel were postponed. At this point, both kids have their permits and have started their instructor sessions, but due to the number of students in our area who came of age during the shutdown, there’s a bit of a backlog. They get a lesson about once a month. California law requires that permitted teenage drivers also receive fifty hours of instruction with parents or qualified adults, which means that my wife and I are slogging through one hundred hours in the passenger seat, trying to think of potential pitfalls and trying to remain calm. Note to parents and guardians looking ahead to training their teens: all jokes will be taken seriously! Watch what you say. Many kids in my area are so used to Mom driving them everywhere, they don’t even look out the window. They have no idea where they live, relative to the school. They are not in any rush to join the traffic we complain about or to add to their carbon footprint. I’ve found that we have to include in our instruction that it’s fun to drive. Today, after my daughter played chicken with a big brown UPS truck in a nearby neighborhood, and before I take my son on the Southern California freeways (holiday edition), I thought I’d share some pointers.

    Here are ten things to keep in mind when training your teenager to drive:

    • 10 – Keep the sarcasm in check. The panicky or self-doubting young driver is listening for literal direction, not comedy.
    • 9 – Start small. If your kid hasn’t driven a golf cart, a go-kart, a tractor, or even an Autopia car with confidence, start with the basics and repeat them often. “The gas pedal is on the right.”
    • 8 – Practice in a parking lot. Look for business complexes or colleges that have large parking lots that aren’t in use on the weekend. Best to find one where the driver can safely accelerate up to 25 mph without encountering speed bumps. Level up to one with lots of planters to navigate around.
    • 7 – Reduce distractions. Turn off the music and put their phone on Do Not Disturb. Show your teen how to put their phone on “Driving Mode” for the future, or just turn it off. I have added “GPS training” to my list of things to teach as the kids improve, however, so they can learn to set the driving instructions and listen for the voice commands. Choosing a funny voice can wait.
    • 6 – Reduce your own distractions. Adult figures, when you are in the passenger seat with your teen behind the wheel, your phone should also be off. No texting or searching or surfing. It’s critical that your eyes are on the road as well as on your driver’s every move.
    • 5 – Ask what their instructor tells them. Not only will this reinforce what they are hearing from the instructor, you will also get a few reminders of new rules and stuff you’ve forgotten while you developed your own driving habits.
    • 4 – Don’t teach to the test, but know what might be on it. My kid didn’t want to practice parking on the curb or three-point turns because he was told they are “not on the test.” I reminded him that these are things he’ll have to do in life and proceeded with the instruction. Driving through a small town on Route 66 won’t be on the test either, but he did it anyway.
    • 3 –Teach kindness. In addition to “defensive driving,” teach your teen to look for opportunities to let another car into their lane, to leave plenty of space between them and the car ahead, and to give motorcycles, bicycles, and pedestrians a wide berth. When you’re behind the wheel and they are in the car with you, tone down your muttering and shouting at other drivers, reduce your aggressive moves. They are watching and listening.
    • 2 – Practice in the car they will drive. Once licensed, your new driver will be lawfully allowed to drive any passenger car. Be honest with them about the use of your family car(s) and rules about driving other people’s. Set boundaries and get agreement during this learning process. Think of fun places to drive as well as routes they will take often, balancing longer scenic drives with runs to the grocery store.
    • 1 – Praise often and honestly. Take note of their successes and improvements. Say it out loud, and watch the confidence grow. Even if your teen is over-confident, point out exactly what they did right and why it was right. Let them hear when you tell their other parent or grandparents how well they are doing and they will want to do it more.

    With patience, a positive attitude, and repetition, teaching your teen to drive can be rewarding for both of you. Just remember to be ready for anything…and breathe.

  • Disney Cast Member Pantry

    Disney Cast Member Pantry

    Disney Cast Members Helping Cast Members

    Founded by Walt Disney World Cast Member, Emily Lartigue, the Cast Member Pantry provides furloughed (read: unpaid) Cast Members some relief from food insecurity. Cast Members in Southern California can now sign up for monthly food distribution, though the approach is somewhat modified from the Orlando model. Extended Disney family donors like Josh Gad contribute funds to keep the charitable bounty going. As a member of the Disney family who is still experiencing significantly reduced hours, I’m trying to spread the word as much as I can.

    The holiday season features advertisements, magazine covers, and online videos of glorious food offerings. Everywhere you look, you’re bombarded with recipes from quick and easy to complex and laborious. The pumpkin-spice scented air compliments baking bread and roasting vegetables. You breathe it all in and remember that you’re a furloughed Disney Cast Member. As the furlough stretches into its eighth month, or if you just received notice that you’re going back on furlough after a short stint of full pay, you’re probably trying to get by on your less-than-cost-of-living-unemployment payouts, and things are looking grim. When it comes to choosing between rent, utilities, or food, and two bags of grocery items can run $100, you need options. Those magazine covers and food videos seem way out of reach.

    Cast Members’ Commitment to Service

    Many of the Cast Members who have been furloughed live paycheck to paycheck due to the high cost of living in Southern California. Few were able to set aside the federal stimulus or extra wage-replacement payments as savings to apply now. Who knew the shutdown would last this long? Those extra funds stopped, but the bills didn’t. This charity has arrived at a critical time, as rising Covid-19 cases mean it might be harder for Cast Members to pick up stop-gap work this holiday season. Emily’s idea and the immediate support the Pantry received in donations and volunteers show how deeply “service” is embedded in Disney Cast Members. Even when we’re not on the clock, we’re here to help. I messaged the group to offer my volunteer services and was told that ALL of the Southern California volunteer roles are currently filled! Of all the rejections I’ve received lately, this one makes me the proudest.

    If you are a cast member who needs food support, or you know someone who does, please check out the Cast Member Pantry information on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/castmemberpantry Could you make the holidays brighter for a Cast Member? Information about monetary donations and an Amazon wishlist (https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/TRZG4EDLIXOF?ref_=wl_share) can also be found on their page. Fresh fruits and vegetables never looked so festive.

    Because this is information about a charity, the links on this page are non-affiliate.

  • 7 Things to Do in Anaheim When Disneyland’s Closed

    7 Things to Do in Anaheim When Disneyland’s Closed

    7 *Other* Things to Do in Anaheim

    The holiday season has begun! Whether you’re fortunate enough to be working, or looking for low-cost ways to stay busy during unexpected or lengthy downtime, visit some Anaheim “now open” venues to have fun while helping the local economy.

    1. Explore the Outdoors (page 45) – Irvine Regional and Santiago Oaks both have hiking trails for all abilities and beautiful scenery.
    2. Taste Anaheim’s Heritage (page 55) – Try traditional German food at Jagerhaus, including sauces made from scratch.
    3. Play Near a Different Castle (p.40) – Camelot Golfland is open for reservations on their four mini-golf courses.
    4. Try a New Brew (p. 44) – Microbreweries abound in the Canyon district of Anaheim. Due to current guidelines, all offer food; some have patios.
    5. Shop Local (p.53) – Explore Downtown Anaheim for locally-owned shops and restaurants. Farmer’s market on Thursdays.
    6. Get Your Fix at Downtown Disney (page 30) – The popular shopping and dining area is open, expanding to Buena Vista Street in Disney California Adventure as soon as November 19.
    7. Read and Remember – Greater Than a Tourist – Anaheim is available now on Amazon, Bookshop, and Kindle! Note: If you make a purchase through my affiliate links, I may earn a commission.

  • Dystopian Reality

    Dystopian Reality

    Photo by Patrick Perkins on Unsplash

    The Hunger Games, The Handmaid’s Tale, Oryx and Crake and The Year of the Flood. Dystopian fiction. Previously considered sci-fi fantasy, maybe even cautionary tales. Right now, though, they read like the Weekend News Roundup.

    Merriam-Webster defines DYSTOPIAN as: of, relating to, or being an imagined world or society in which people lead wretched, dehumanized, fearful lives.  The image above is not from an imagined world. It’s an actual photo taken earlier in 2020 when the fires near San Francisco turned the skies red.

    Last week, the skies in my area glowed amber while black threads of burned grass, two inches long, fell on my property from two different fires that were ten miles away. Add the acrid smell to empty shopping centers with windows covered by plywood. City streets empty except for the homeless people who lie wrapped in blankets on the sidewalk. In key areas, police in riot gear stand in lines against citizens who are protesting for freedom and justice. Oddly, one group shouts for freedom while another marches for justice. Criminals as well as opportunists take advantage of the distraction, smashing windows to clear shelves of high-priced pharmaceuticals, electronics, and shoes that will fetch a high return on the black market. Some people, jobless due to a raging pandemic, grab food off the shelves or out of delivery trucks to feed their family and neighbors. Revelers wave guns and fly flags as they drive trucks through the streets, bumping vehicles and the occasional human as they speed along the darkened avenues, chanting phrases of perceived power. The police are occupied with protecting buildings and statues so they are not available to stop the impromptu parades or illegal fireworks, but there are officers determined to chase and shoot unarmed citizens who run away, as both sides have been conditioned to do. This is no film; it’s not an imagined world. It’s 2020, and election day is tomorrow.

    My imagination combines the images and happenings from around the nation as they appear in my social media feed because I’ve read Fahrenheit 451 more than once. I’ve also read Night by Elie Wiesel and I’ve wept in the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles. I’ve got a big imagination but the dystopia is all too real right now. I don’t expect tanks will come rolling into my cul-de-sac here in suburban Orange County. I have neighbors that I suspect would turn me in if there was some kind of roundup though, or really, if the opportunity arose. Despite being a homeowner, taxpayer, and mother with signs on my lawn promoting our high school, Girl Scouts, and kindness, I can absolutely envision some of the people in my tract feeling empowered to challenge my family’s worthiness to remain. If the “Yes on 8” signs on my street didn’t convince me back in ’08, the proudly-displayed Trump flags and red-white-and-blue pop-up merch shops definitely give me pause. As far as I know, there hasn’t been any trouble at the voting center at the park on the next block. I’m hesitant to go over to see.

    Our Senate prioritized confirming a Supreme Court Justice over confirming support for the American people who are suffering the effects of a global pandemic. They’ve put the perceived rule of law and fear of losing power over the citizens’ wellbeing. Prioritizing the protection of the few (the rich) over the needs of the many. Week after week, new announcements reveal the dire situation of my industry as wave after wave of friends and colleagues are laid off from their jobs in what had been a one-thriving industry. Though state governments are making it harder for people to vote in many places, other states (like mine) are expanding the opportunity and welcoming record numbers of voters. Some people say we’ve “got to get back to normal” while others question whether what was “normal” was best.

    We’re mad as hell. The snowflakes are coalescing in a killer polar blast, the kind of powerful wind that freezes fountains instantly. The marshmallows are en flambe, crusted in black with sticky goo that burns deeply when it touches the skin. If you haven’t already cast your ballot along with the millions who took advantage of early voting, GO. Get a ride, wear a mask, use your voice. Refuse to be intimidated. When you ask, “what does it matter,” remember that your local races will not be decided by the electoral college. Local governments, including your city, county, and state still have jurisdiction and responsibility for their constituents. Tell them what you expect, and hold them to it.

    We read those stories of dystopia and see films of that genre because they rightly fill us with a sense of dread. They usually end with hope, though. The heroes defy the regime, they fight back, break out, and rescue others. They don’t do it alone. The heroes find strength in the community of the like-minded. It’s not survival against mindless, flesh-eating zombies, it’s strength in unified purpose with a goal to save humanity. We can no longer ask what would you do if faced with apocalyptic scenarios. The time is now, to stop the move toward a “wretched, fearful” existence. Fight back, rescue others. Think of Katniss and the Fireman Guy Montag and Offred, of the ragtag community formed by the survivors in the MaddAddam series. Who will be your community? Who will you save?

    What will you do?

  • Happy World Menopause Day!

    I had some fun perusing postings on Pinterest, in honor of the day. I’m wiped out after Pilates this morning and decorating for Halloween. Is this moderate headache with low motivation symptomatic of hormonal change? Who cares! Read on. Here’s to your good health!

  • Amazon Recommendations

    It’s Prime Day! Time for a shameless plug of my travel guide! It’s available now on Kindle and in print. For Locals and Visitors alike, these 50 tips are from my personal experience as a resident and explorer of Anaheim. I received no incentives from the businesses that are mentioned in the book, so you can rest assured that the opinions are truly mine – including what I’ve learned from friends and family. I do receive a small compensation if you shop through my links. You’re helping the local economy in so many ways!

    If you haven’t picked up a copy of these books that are mentioned on my site, here are quick links:

    Recommended products helping me survive perimenopause, motherhood, and more:

    For my friends with four-footed family, let me suggest these rope toys. My moderate chewers found them irresistible, and I found them long-lasting.

    And finally, for added value at check-out:

    Save 50% on select product(s) with promo code 5062E3Z1 on Amazon.com

  • Stories Are For Sharing

    Once a Writer, Always a Writer

    On a whim this summer, furloughed from work and staying safe at home during the pandemic, I submitted a story to a literary journal. The First Line invites writers to play with an interesting prompt – the first line of the story. All of the stories in the issue begin the same, and it’s up to the author to craft the rest. I jumped at the chance to write something off the top of my head. I could dive into my imagination and personal experience and create. It was exciting! This would be my story, my voice, my vision. I wouldn’t need to check on Intellectual Property restrictions from my entertainment conglomerate. There would be no executive to review and approve my work, rewrite with their version, or give me notes in several rounds before submission. I was on my own, alone but not lonely, in that way that writers like Margaret Atwood and Stephen King describe. Just me, my laptop, my characters, and the first line. To be alone, I had to hide from my children and avoid making dinner for the family for a couple of days but, buoyed by the company of my dogs and cats, I handled these hardships.

    The idea reminded me of Creative Writing modules from middle school. Specifically, I recall one assignment called “show don’t tell,” in which we practiced using descriptions to bring images to life in the reader’s mind. We were assigned to write a “show don’t tell” paragraph with the prompt, “The pizza was delicious.” Having a penchant for adjectives, I thoroughly enjoyed the enticing assignment. I have a vague memory of the class reading some of the passages aloud. Being a theatre kid, I quickly volunteered to read mine – with feeling. Something about stringy cheese clinging to the roof of my mouth, burning it, yet not reducing the joy of the experience. I’m sure it was overblown and dramatic. Certainly, the reading was! My story was one of a few that were published in the school paper as an example of what the sixth grade was doing.

    That wasn’t the last time my name appeared in print. In eighth grade, I was the Features editor for the middle school paper, so my byline appeared monthly. The ability to share my fiction remained elusive, though. I had a drawer full of stories in notebooks, and as soon as my family got an Apple IIe, I filled floppy after floppy (disks) with unrealized YA novels. The stories I turned in for assignments in middle school and high school were well received by a few of my teachers and once, memorably ripped to shreds by another. (I came to question that teacher’s intellectual capacity over the course of that year, but clearly, it still stings.) In college and as a young adult, I submitted a few stories to literary journals, collecting rejection letters as bravely as possible. I had a harder time dismissing the intellectual capacity of those editors. Still, I persisted and was pleased to receive an invitation to publish in Mosaic, the arts magazine at my university.

    A few decades and a handful of rejection letters later, deep in the lockdown of 2020, I received an email from the editor of The First Line. He asked to publish my story. A little back and forth with the editor was good: a nip here, a tuck there, a keen eye to catch an error, a discussion about a certain point for clarity, choosing a title. Productive dialogue between writer and editor, no submission required. I agreed that they could include my story in this edition and signed a contract. A copy of the book arrived this weekend, with a check for the small stipend. I’ve been writing for my entertainment conglomerate for decades, but today I am a paid writer. Something about finally crossing that “first line” into the literary world…not tied to my university… the acknowledgment by strangers who read a lot of stories and who don’t know me personally…this feels like a milestone. A validation of a craft I’ve practiced all my life. I don’t know the circulation of this magazine and I don’t care. I got one across the line.

    “The one thing you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.”

    – Neil Gaiman

    The First Line. Vol. 22, Issue 3. Get your copy in print or PDF at: http://www.thefirstline.com/index.htm

  • Disney Devastated

    Disney Devastated

    It’s a sad, sad week, as many friends and colleagues from Disney Parks, Experiences, and Products are being let go. My heart goes out to all the people who have been holding out hope for seven months, while our beloved place of business has been closed during the pandemic. This week, for so many, it’s hard to keep holding that hope.

    Disney’s own messages of faith, trust, wishing, dreaming, and believing are all based on emotion. It follows naturally that the people who help to create that magic are emotionally invested. You spend your time and passion to make other people happy, and when it’s not possible, you fall hard. My Facebook feed is filled with pictures of a depressed Mickey Mouse. More calls are going out today.

    True to form, though, my feed is also full of cast members past and present, offering love and support. Profile pictures announce that people are “Disney family.” That is where the hope rests for now, with the people. As in many other industries, resilience will be key. It may be slow to build back at first, but those timeless messages, the values of the company and its people and its fans will endure. See ya real soon.

  • Anaheim Travel Tips – I’m not just a tourist, I’m a local!

    Anaheim Travel Tips – I’m not just a tourist, I’m a local!

    Dreaming of Disneyland? Me too!

    So I wrote a book.

    Locals and travelers alike are desperately waiting for news of when they will be able to return to the Happiest Place on Earth, The Disneyland Resort, which has been closed since March due to the pandemic. While I was off work in the “quarantime,” staying safely at home, my mind was out wandering the streets of Anaheim and places in the OC that I wished I could visit. My little book offers tips you won’t find anywhere else because they are from my personal experience. I lived walking distance from Disneyland for over ten years, raising my children with the sound and view of fireworks practically over my backyard. I’m not just a fan, I’m a neighbor. Like any good busybody, I’m happy to share my knowledge of all the great features of my neighborhood.

    Available now on Amazon (and through the convenient link above, through which the author – yours truly – will receive a small compensation), Greater Than a Tourist – Anaheim goes beyond the berm with fifty unique tips. Of course, I included some of my favorite things about the Disneyland Resort, especially some sneaky tricks well known to annual pass holders and kids like me who grew up in the area. But more importantly, the book uses The Disneyland Resort area as home base. This perspective assumes visitors are going to the Parks at some point during their trip, and it offers a pin in the virtual map for locals as well.

    I wanted to set this book apart from the many Disney-exclusive travel guides. Greater Than A Tourist – Anaheim leads the reader to great restaurants, local parks, the beach, and museums. I purposely included tips you won’t find in other Disney tourist guides: LGBTQ+, people with disabilities, senior citizens, teenagers, active lifestyles. These are legit tips because I am, I parent, or I am friends with people who belong to these groups. It’s written as a conversation as if you called me to ask for suggestions. My friends and family know that means I’ll share some stories along the way!

    What the book doesn’t include is any information regarding new safety protocols due to COVID-19. It harks back to a simpler time, and looks forward to a time when hand-washing and sanitizing is habitual and it becomes habit to look out for the well-being of others as well as ourselves.

    When Disneyland reopens, it’s likely that capacity will be limited and reservations will be required, based on the example of other Disney Parks around the world (please note, however, that as of this writing, nothing has been announced regarding Disneyland’s reopening). This book will come in very handy as visitors look for other things to do in the area. The book is available in print and on Kindle. I hope you’ll enjoy it!

  • Quarantime Creativity – Published!

    Quarantime Creativity – Published!

    Watch this space for announcements!

    Coming soon, by Wendy Ruth: a short story AND a new book! Details and links forthcoming.